Denouement
by CrissColferL0ve
Summary: My boyfriend always says that I saved him. The fact is that it was the other way round. He saved me. Verse fic, written from Blaine's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi! It's been agessss. I hadn't planned on posting a new fic for a while and this wasn't planned at all. I literally got the idea while walking around my house this morning and I had to write it. I recently read The Lover's Dictionary and The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan and I'm in the middle of I Heart You, You Haunt Me by Lisa Schroeder and all three are written in verse and the idea just kind of intrigues me and I love reading it. It's all so short and succinct, yet you can read between the lines and it kind of hits you harder. So, I decided today that I'd give writing it a go. I know it's a bit odd at first, and it's not everyone's cup of tea, but give it a shot? Also, I definitely recommend those David Levithan books!**

**It took six years to come up with a title, so thank you to Rebecca (m-arvel on tumblr) for helping me look through long lists after googling 'beautiful english words' and other things like that.**

**Also, this might get a bit depressing every now and then, because I like my angst and my tears. It's split into small little sections to make it more readable.**

* * *

**(i) Remarkable.**

My boyfriend  
always  
says that  
I  
saved  
him.

The fact is that it was the  
other way round.

He  
saved  
me.

A chance meeting  
on a staircase  
was  
all  
it took.  
All I could do  
in that case  
was  
stare  
and  
stare  
and  
stare.

He was so  
beautiful.  
No.  
He  
_is  
_so beautiful.

But that day on the stairs  
made the world turn  
on its axis.  
Fish  
fell  
out of the  
sea  
and into the  
sky.  
Clouds drifted  
down  
or  
up  
and they got wet  
with the  
waters.

The sun  
and the  
moon  
disappeared,  
because all there was  
was  
_him._

He's my sun,  
my moon,  
my stars.  
A star.

He thinks it took  
me a long  
time  
to realise  
I  
loved  
him,  
I  
needed  
him,  
I  
wanted  
him.  
But the  
truth  
is that I was  
afraid.  
Maybe  
I didn't  
know  
it then, but I  
know  
it  
now.

It's a strange thing,  
fear.  
It holds you back  
and  
shelters you,  
keeps you  
safe,  
all at the same  
time.

I wasn't  
single  
when I met  
the boy  
with the  
sad,  
blue  
eyes  
and the  
tear  
stained  
cheeks.  
I was in an  
unhealthy relationship  
with  
fear.

It took a  
bird  
of  
darkness  
and the  
end of a  
life  
to give  
me  
my beginning,  
our  
beginning.  
A voice  
in the  
darkness  
called out to  
me  
and the  
veil  
lifted and I could  
see again.  
I saw what I  
knew  
and  
fear  
fought to  
keep me,  
the first time  
anyone  
or  
anything  
had fought  
for  
me and  
I  
didn't  
want it.

I broke  
free  
of my  
chains  
that day and  
like the bird,  
I flew.  
With spread wings  
I flew  
into  
open  
arms  
and he  
embraced me  
in ways that  
no one  
else ever had.

Out of the darkness  
came the light.  
It brought an end to a fight.  
It brought me back to life.

It was mostly him  
and some of me,  
but it was only ever me  
because of  
him.

**(ii) Broken.**

Before I ever  
broke  
free,  
they  
broke  
me.

**(iii) Altered.**

The homeliest gal  
in all them hills.  
That's what they called her,  
Sadie,  
that is.

Desperate.  
That's the first word I  
thought  
when I read about  
Sadie Hawkins  
and her  
need  
to find a  
husband.

Desperate.  
Maybe I was  
desperate, too.

Boys  
like  
me  
didn't go to  
dances  
and much like the women  
who raced for the  
men who ran from them,  
I tried to change things,  
just as they tried to  
change  
the men.

It was  
never  
about  
romance.  
It was about  
change,  
acceptance,  
need,  
want,  
desperation.  
It was about taking those  
first  
steps.  
It was  
fear  
again,  
taking  
me.

I  
wanted  
to prove that I wasn't so  
different,  
that I could go to a  
dance,  
like everyone else.  
See,  
Dad?  
I can do  
all the things  
Cooper can.

I couldn't.

The night was  
calm.  
I was not.  
The stars were  
nervous.  
They shuddered in the  
cool  
air.  
Breathe in,  
breathe out.  
I can do this.

I couldn't.

I didn't  
dance  
at the  
dance.  
I told myself I could,  
but  
I couldn't.

I ran  
like those men,  
but not because of the  
women.  
Sadie's father's  
gun  
was fired  
to signal the  
beginning of the race.  
The  
stifling  
blows  
and the  
pain  
and the  
fear  
made me think of  
Sadie's  
father  
and his gun  
and it was  
like  
a shot was fired in the  
air  
that night,  
signalling  
a change  
and also the  
beginning  
of what would become  
my  
long  
term  
relationship  
with  
fear.

I kept on running.

**(iv) Silent Retaliation.**

I felt  
boxed  
in.  
Eventually,  
I found myself in a  
ring.  
For once,  
I was not  
the  
punching bag,  
I was  
the one  
with the gloves.  
I hit hard.  
_He's a power of  
strength  
for such a  
little  
thing.  
_I hit harder,  
tired of being  
a thing,  
much less  
a little  
thing.  
They saw  
strength,  
I was  
weakness.  
It was their  
words  
and their  
encouragement  
that made it  
worse.

I was  
always  
so sure  
that it couldn't get  
worse  
and it  
shocked  
me  
that with their  
friendship  
came  
hardship.  
They saw  
power  
so I put  
up  
a shield  
and  
pretended  
to be  
the  
person  
they thought  
they saw.

With every punch,  
I saw those faces,  
the faces  
of  
the ones  
with  
the closed minds  
and  
the  
sharp tongues  
and  
the quick jabs.  
I punched  
and punched  
and punched  
until I couldn't  
feel  
any more.  
That was a  
lie.  
I'd  
stopped  
feeling  
long  
before.

_You should have seen it coming.  
Well, what did you expect?  
I warned you.  
It was your own fault._

At death's door,  
and those were their  
words of wisdom.  
I wasn't  
looking for  
sympathy,  
but it  
hurts  
when the people who  
brought you into the world  
can't even bring themselves  
to hold you  
and tell you  
everything will be  
alright,  
even when you know it isn't  
true.  
I was at death's door  
and even death  
refused to have me.  
It locked me out  
and I stood on the  
edge,  
tipping over the threshold,  
before being pulled back.  
I look back  
and I'm  
glad  
that the door never opened,  
but back then,  
all I wanted was  
an escape.

**(v) Empathy.**

I walked down the  
pristine halls  
and felt a  
dull bliss.  
It was a  
whole  
new  
world,  
but I walked on  
solid ground,  
felt nothing but  
hardness  
under my feet.  
It was the  
first place  
I'd felt  
accepted,  
but they never  
accepted  
the real me.  
They didn't ever  
see  
the  
real  
me.

I strove for  
perfection,  
to correspond with  
the perfect school and  
the perfect attire and  
the perfect everything.  
But something I could  
never quite manage was  
time.  
Time is fast  
at the same  
time that it's  
slow.  
Minutes go by  
and I wonder  
how seconds can be  
so short  
when seconds are what  
make up  
minutes and  
hours and  
months and  
years and  
years seem to pass  
so quickly,  
at the same  
time that they pass  
so slowly.  
I could never keep  
time and  
I was always  
running  
running  
running.  
It was a burden,  
an imperfection,  
until it wasn't any more.

It wouldn't be long  
before I was late.  
The seconds were  
ticking  
ticking  
ticking  
by and  
I was on a spiral  
staircase,  
going downwards.  
At the sound of a voice,  
I stopped.  
And there he was.

I was rendered  
speechless.  
But the show went on.

We ran,  
together.

Fear gripped my hand  
tighter than ever  
as I sat  
and sipped  
and listened.  
It came back  
like a punch in the face,  
but not quite,  
because I knew exactly what  
a punch in the face  
felt like.  
It hit me hard,  
like doing something  
after years of being  
out of practice.  
It all seemed so suffocating,  
so difficult and  
strange, yet  
it was  
so  
damned  
familiar  
that I wanted to  
run  
again,  
but his eyes  
told a story and  
his story  
was no fairy tale.  
I watched the  
blue  
fill with  
tears  
and they fell  
and I fell  
and we fell together,  
but I wouldn't let him fall  
like I did,  
so I stayed  
and I spoke  
and I vowed  
that I would  
be there  
for  
him,  
that I wouldn't  
run  
and that in helping  
him  
I'd help myself.  
It would be like  
facing  
them  
and  
winning.  
Or so I'd believed.

He was so  
strong,  
not as much like me  
as I'd initially  
believed.  
It seemed that  
everything  
I  
believed in  
crumbled  
and fell.

I wouldn't let  
him  
crumble,  
I wouldn't let  
him  
fall  
and I would do it for  
him.  
He fell anyway,  
but not in the way I'd  
feared.  
He  
fell  
for  
me.

* * *

**This will most likely be around 5 chapters or so, but that could change. Honestly, this wasn't planned and I have, like, five other fics started. But I'm going to finish this first, I think. Let me know what you think. This is my first time writing like this and I really enjoyed it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi :D Thank you to those of you reading this and liking it, I'm not sure a lot of people really get it, but oh well, I like writing it and I want to keep going with it :) This is a good bit shorter than the first chapter, but I tried to edit it up and add more, but I kept editing it back to this. So, this is what it is lol.**

* * *

**(i) Expectations.**

When I was  
younger,  
I always  
wanted to be  
exactly  
like  
my brother.  
As I got  
older,  
I  
wanted to be  
the  
exact  
opposite.  
And  
I  
was.

_Why  
can't  
you be more  
like  
Cooper?  
_I knew what that  
meant.  
Cooper's  
first  
kiss  
was with a  
girl  
during recess when he was  
twelve.  
My  
first  
kiss  
was with a  
boy  
when I was  
fourteen.  
Cooper took a  
girl  
to his  
first  
Sadie Hawkins dance.  
I took a  
boy  
and a  
heavy  
beating.  
Cooper took a  
girl  
to his  
senior prom,  
one he would  
sleep with  
and  
never  
call  
again.  
I took my  
boyfriend  
of two years  
and three months,  
the one  
I called and  
Skyped and  
missed for an entire school year.  
Cooper got caught with a  
girl  
in his bedroom when he was  
seventeen.  
I got caught with  
my steady boyfriend  
in my bedroom,  
reading to me  
while I  
recovered  
from eye surgery  
when I was  
seventeen.  
Cooper got caught smoking pot  
in a neighbour's  
tool shed  
with a  
girl  
(the neighbour's daughter)  
when he was  
sixteen.  
I got caught  
holding hands with my  
boyfriend  
in the privacy of my  
own  
home  
when I was  
sixteen.  
Cooper got caught  
drinking vodka with a  
girl  
in his dorm room at  
Dalton  
when he was  
eighteen.  
I got caught  
flipping through  
wedding magazines  
in my bedroom  
when I was  
eighteen.  
Yet still,  
_Why  
can't  
you be more  
like Cooper?_

**(ii) Closure.**

He  
almost  
broke  
the one  
I  
love  
most in the  
world  
and I  
tried  
to  
hate  
him for that  
and I did,  
for a while.  
I also  
tried  
to reach out  
and  
help  
him,  
but he pushed  
and it was all so  
real  
again, so I drew  
back.

He stepped over that  
edge  
one day and that was  
the day  
that I couldn't  
hate him  
any longer.  
I was the one on the  
edge  
once  
and it would have been so  
easy  
to  
just  
jump.  
I'm  
happy  
I didn't.  
I'm  
happy  
he  
survived.  
And that was  
the day  
I stopped  
hating  
the faces  
that  
haunted  
my mind and  
my dreams.

We're all  
fighters  
in this world,  
trying  
to  
survive.  
How can anyone  
hate anyone  
for  
trying to  
survive?

**(iii) Freedom.**

For the  
first  
time,  
I was  
chosen  
to  
lead.  
On stage,  
I felt  
free.  
I was a  
bird  
in flight,  
a whisper  
in the  
wind,  
a floating  
cloud  
in a  
bright  
blue  
sky.  
They  
believed in me,  
trusted me,  
like no one had  
before.

**(iv) Adrift.**

It's almost as if  
I was a  
ship,  
stranded  
at sea,  
like I'd  
fallen overboard and been  
on the verge of  
drowning.  
And then  
I made it  
to the surface,  
splashing,  
a splash of  
hope,  
and just as I was being  
pulled  
back  
under,  
another  
lonely  
ship came,  
another  
lost  
vessel,  
trying to  
find its way,  
looking to be  
saved,  
sending out an  
S.O.S,  
firing  
hopeless  
sparks  
into the  
uncaring  
sky,  
and then it saw  
me  
at the surface,  
unaware of my  
closeness to  
death  
and it  
believed  
I could  
save it.  
Unknowing,  
the other  
lost vessel  
threw me a  
buoy and  
took me on board.  
And we somehow  
saved  
each other.

**(v) Courage.**

Practice  
what  
you  
preach.

I  
sent  
him  
'Courage',  
but  
I  
didn't  
_send  
_him  
courage,  
that  
was  
all  
him.

I  
never  
practiced  
what  
I  
preached.

* * *

**I'll try have the next part up soon. I know a lot of this is vague and kind of cryptic at times, so don't worry if you get confused or anything. If you have any questions or whatever, my tumblr is likechildreninafairytale, drop me a message :) ****In all, I'm planning there to be about 5 chapters, but it could change (and most likely will). Let me know what you think :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Implied self harm, but nothing too graphic.**

* * *

**(i) Hopelessness.**

He never said it was okay,  
but that wasn't news to me.  
He said it didn't matter,  
but I knew that wasn't true.  
But I smiled, because that meant he didn't hate me,  
it meant he wasn't turning me away.

Two weeks later,  
we were building a car  
and he was telling me  
that_ girls love guys with cars, son_.

I realised then that he hadn't accepted it,  
he'd disregarded it.  
He wasn't turning me away,  
but he was trying to turn me.  
And that hurt more than anything else.

I threw in the wrench,  
threw in the dirty, oil-stained towel,  
told him he didn't need to build a new car,  
he already had the car he wanted,  
he already had the son he wanted.  
He didn't need another car.  
He didn't need another son.

But that didn't mean that  
I didn't need him.

**(ii) Blindness.**

I was never  
blind,  
I simply  
chose  
not to  
see.

**(iii) Seeing.**

The bird opened its wings  
and flew into the heavens.  
I opened my eyes  
and flew into love.

His lips against mine  
made my heart swell and my blood race  
in my veins.

I reached out,  
searching,  
needing to find,  
reaching,  
reaching,  
looking  
frantically,  
until,  
_Oh, there you are.  
I've been looking for you  
forever._

**(iv) Forever.**

How does one define 'Forever'?  
Neverending?  
(But everything comes to an end.)  
Infinite?  
(Doesn't everything have a limit?)

My Forever  
starts with a K  
and ends in a T  
and U R in between.  
You are  
everything,  
anything,  
all things,  
but ultimately,  
You are  
my  
Forever.

There was a  
time  
when I would scribble  
Your name  
on my school books,  
on the back of my hand,  
across my wrist  
where the veins  
are a direct link  
to my heart.  
I would etch Your name  
into tables,  
into leather book coverings,  
into my heart.  
There was a  
time  
when I might have  
etched  
across my wrist  
in a different  
direction,  
but after You,  
I never did.  
I didn't want to.  
I didn't have to.  
You are already etched  
across every part of me.

**(v) Betrayal.**

Rock salt damaged my eye  
but betrayal damaged my heart.  
I was one of you once,  
we both were.

It was meant for him,  
but he was one of you,  
just as I was.  
Did you forget?

How was I supposed to  
stand  
back  
when I could  
prevent him from being hurt again?

How could you all  
stand  
there  
and watch it happen?

How could you all  
walk  
away  
without a word  
while he held me as I writhed in  
pain.

It's true, my eye was hurt that night,  
but surgery could fix that.

There is no surgery to mend  
a broken heart.  
All there is is  
time  
and  
love  
and luckily,  
I have that in  
abundance.

**(vi) Redemption.**

You all redeemed yourselves,  
and I forgave you,  
but it still hurt.

**(vii) Flowers.**

I didn't know  
so I looked it up.  
Red for  
love,  
courage,  
beauty,  
respect,  
passion,  
sincerity.  
Yellow for  
joy,  
friendship,  
"I care".  
Yellow with red tips for  
falling  
in  
love.  
I asked You about it afterwards,  
asked You why  
falling in love  
and You told me  
falling in love  
with me  
was something that  
happened  
every  
single  
day.  
I laughed, told You that was  
absurd,  
but it isn't.  
I know,  
because I feel the same.

Once, before I met You,  
I felt like I was falling  
every  
single  
day,  
and I  
wondered  
hoped  
didn't care  
if some day I would  
fall too far and  
too fast  
and never be able to  
stand back up again.  
But now I fall  
and I  
fall  
and I  
fall  
and I know that I'm just going to keep on  
falling,  
but this time,  
I'm unafraid,  
because I know  
you're  
falling  
with  
me.

* * *

**Sorry about not replying to reviews, but I will soon, I promise. L****et me know what you think :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**My rough guess for this was that it would be about 5 chapters, but this is the final one :) I should mention that I own nothing, because I forgot to in the previous three, but yes, I own nothing :)**

* * *

**(i) Bliss.**

You told me you had butterflies the very first night,  
I told you I felt the same, but it felt more like a swarm of bees,  
Not because I was scared, but because I wanted to make it as perfect as could be.  
I waited for the sting, but it never came, and then you kissed me,  
And the bees went back into their hive and your butterflies retreated back into cocoons,  
And all was right again.

I worried that we would lose the magic,  
That we were caught up in some sort of first time bliss,  
But I learned that every time was like the first time, only better,  
Because although we know each other better than we know ourselves now,  
It's always special, because it's me and you,  
Or you and I, and that's what's most important.

We moved together for the first time,  
And it amazed me how two people could become one,  
Shadows on the walls joined and I couldn't decipher one from the other.  
I liked that, that we were one.  
And we rocked together in the sparkling dark, and you clung to me after,  
And told me, "_I've never been happier_".

I told you I loved you, and somehow,  
it didn't seem to express exactly how I felt,  
But you understood and said you felt the same.  
You kissed me again and said it was okay, that you knew how I felt and hoped I knew, too.  
I fell asleep to the rhythmic sound of your breathing that night,  
And that was enough.

**(ii) Distance.**

Even when you were far away, I felt like I had you with me. But then there were times when you felt too far away and all I could do was play our songs and cry into Margaret Thatcher Dog, until I'd fallen asleep, imagining you next to me. I was afraid she would stop smelling like you and start smelling like bitter-sweet tears, but I didn't know what tears smelled like, I only knew how they felt as they fell down my cheeks and soaked whatever surface was beneath them. And then you'd call just at the right time and I'd smile again, because you'd remind me, "Just a few more months and I'll have you for good, Blaine."

You had me for good anyway, long before and long after.

While you were gone, it started to hurt again. With you, I felt like I had a restraint, something holding me back, keeping me from doing something stupid, from stumbling into a black pit, to never be saved again. When you're saved once, it's unlikely you will be lucky enough to be saved again. But then I'd think of you and I'd wonder what you would think if you saw me, standing in the mirror with tear stains down my cheeks and coffee stains down my shirt and blood stains on my sleeves, and I'd stop, because I couldn't bear the idea of you crying and hurting and feeling so helpless because of me.

I'd walk out and pick up the phone and I'd call you and tell you that I missed you and you'd drop everything, no matter how important, now matter how hard I tried to tell you you didn't have to, you'd drop it all and tell me I was more important than anything else in your world and that would make me feel better. You'd talk with me into the night and sometimes far into the morning. We often stopped talking when it reached a certain hour, and simply listened to one another breathing, and sometimes, that was better than talking, because it felt like I could feel you, drifting off to sleep next to me.

But I would wake the next morning and you'd be gone and the smile would fall off my face and past my ankles and down through the carpet, lost amongst the lint and the dust. I would remember then that you were gone and it would hurt all over again. But then I'd find my phone and see it there, a good morning text with five little words that meant the world.

_Good morning. I love you._

**(iii) Insecurity.**

My brother wanted to  
know  
if I worried  
while you were  
gone.  
I told him no,  
but that was a  
lie,  
I worried every  
single  
day.

The first  
time  
I ever worried  
was when you were texting  
him.  
And then when you  
left,  
I was afraid again,  
not because I didn't  
trust  
you,  
but because I understood that  
so many people were  
so much better than I was.  
I  
stopped  
worrying when I got a call,  
three months after you'd left.  
You sounded upset and nervous  
and I immediately  
thought the worst,  
but the words that  
came were not  
the words  
I expected.

You told me  
about the guy  
with the talent  
and the looks  
and the money  
and the connections  
and you told me  
he tried to kiss you.  
I felt my heart  
breaking,  
until you told me  
you had  
pushed  
him  
away.  
I asked you why,  
you told me it was because  
he  
wasn't  
me.

I was  
never  
afraid again.

**(iv) Reunion.**

I saw you there,  
in the big city,  
with the big smile,  
and the big eyes,  
and the big heart,  
and the arms spread wide  
to let me in.  
I went to you and you held me  
and it felt like  
home.

Sometimes it felt like  
I was flying,  
other times I felt like I had an  
injured wing,  
but  
injured  
is always better than  
irreparable,  
and it always mended,  
and at the end of it all,  
we flew together.

Tonight, I'm hoping to make it  
final,  
official.  
I've dropped to my knees before,  
and begged for help  
from whoever might  
be up there,  
but this time,  
I'll drop down on just  
one  
and I'll tell you  
how much you  
mean to me  
and I'll beg you  
for your hand  
and hopefully,  
you'll say  
yes.

I'll tell you  
how you  
saved me  
and how  
I learned to  
fly  
because of you.  
I'll tell you  
how I  
knew long ago  
that I was going to be  
proposing some day.  
I'll tell you  
how happy you make me,  
how happy I'll make you,  
and I'll mean it.

If only you'd say yes.

**(v) Denouement.**

I feel like  
I'm dancing on air,  
and I'm breathing it in,  
but it's not reaching my lungs.  
You told me once that  
I took your breath away,  
and now I know how it really  
feels.

All my life,  
I've wanted to find  
someone who wouldn't give up on me,  
and you're the only one  
who never did.

You told me you would  
always  
make me happy,  
kiss me,  
love me,  
give me  
your everything.  
And you do.

The world is  
spinning  
again  
and I feel  
dizzy in its  
grasp.  
My face  
aches  
from smiling and my  
eyes are sore  
from crying  
and it's a strange thing,  
to have those two things  
combined.

Every moment  
has been a  
progression  
towards  
this,  
and I know  
that the pain and  
the hurt  
is left  
behind  
forever.

The clouds are  
opening  
and the sky is  
clearing  
and the sun is  
splitting the trees.  
The storm is over  
and maybe  
there will be a few  
light showers  
here  
and  
there,  
but I know  
that there will never be another  
storm.

The sun is  
scorching.  
You  
said  
yes.

* * *

**This has been so different to anything I've ever written in my life. Just a reminder that the idea for this came from David Levithan's Realm of Possibility, which is amazing, everyone should read it! **

**Thank you so much to those of you who read and liked this. I know it's really different and probably hard to get used to at first, but I hope you liked it. I really love anything written in verse, I love tearing it apart and trying to figure out why a certain sentence is divided like it is and I tried my best to incorporate that in here, so most of the words and singled out for a reason.**

**Huge thanks to Rebecca (m-arvel on tumblr) for being the most enthusiastic person about this, and I'm sorry I made you cry, Rebecca :P**

**So, yes, that's it! I'm going to have another fic up soon called Cold Coffee, it's a normal fic, just an AU, highschool type of thing and I'm writing the third chapter at the moment, so once I have another few written, I'll start posting :)**

**Thank you again! And let me know what you think!**

**Jamie x**


End file.
